Personal Development
Have you ever felt stuck? Do you feel like your life has fallen into a routine? That it is so predictable and boring? Well, some might argue that predictable and routine is good. Normal is good, so no surprises are good. But yet, having such stability does not mean you have to be complacent. Life is only as good as you think it is. So what do we think about our lives?
“It will get better after I buy a bigger house”.
“Life will be better after I own items ABC and XYZ”.
“I will be successful after I earn XXXXXX a month”.
Some of us are just too busy going through life without thinking about it.
We only have one life in this world, and we should take the time to think about it.
What are we doing to make ourselves better? Why are there people who seem to happy and successful? What are they doing differently?
We see people who live such simple lives and yet they’re so contented.
What is personal development? Is it really important or is it just a catch phrase people say to sound cool? Let’s find out.
I’m sure there’s at least a few years where you just go about life without thinking about what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. This is especially normal when we are establishing ourselves as an adult. We are hyper focused on getting a good job, a big salary, a house and a car. Then we want a better job, a bigger salary, a bigger house and bigger cars. It’s ok if your family is growing and if you really need those things. But odds are, we want them because we were most likely influenced by people around us or social media, or because we were told this by our elders when we were growing up.
Most people do not stop to think about what they truly want, if what they want is good for them, and if it is right for them at that time.
The best frame of reference for this situation is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist. While most psychologists at that time were more concerned with the abnormal and ill, he looked at positive mental health. This would be called Humanist Psychology.
The basic principles behind humanistic psychology are simple:
- Someone’s present functioning is their most significant aspect. As a result, humanists emphasize the here and now instead of examining the past or attempting to predict the future.
- To be mentally healthy, individuals must take personal responsibility for their actions, regardless of whether the actions are positive or negative.
- Each person, simply by being, is inherently worthy. While any given action may be negative, these actions do not cancel out the value of a person.
- The ultimate goal of living is to attain personal growth and understanding. Only through constant self-improvement and self-understanding can an individual ever be truly happy.
Humanistic psychology theory suits people who see the positive side of humanity and believe in free will. Even though humanistic psychology lacks empirical evidence, it is applicable and widely accepted in other areas such as finance, economics and history.
Humanistic psychology believes that everyone can reach ‘self-actualization’, which means realising their highest potential.
Physiological
Safety
On the next level, we need safety. Safety comes in the form of safety of our body, which means health, it includes employment or ability to earn a living or means of providing ourselves with the basic needs, or simply described – stability.
Love & Belonging
When we have these needs taken care of, then we are able to forge friendships and relationships, create connections and be part of a society.
Esteem
Next, when we are safe, stable, and have a family and community around us, we have confidence that enables us to have achievements and gain self-esteem. With self-esteem, we have self-respect. With self-respect, we can give respect to others too.
Self-Actualisation
The highest level is self-actualisation. When our basic needs are present, when we have stability with family and friends, when we have self confidence, then we have the ability to make moral choices, have values, solve problems, see past differences and accept the point of view of others, cultivate creativity and spontaneity, we can realise our full potential.
So, what can we use from this theory to improve our lives?
First of all, we need to understand that money is a tool. If we reframe our minds to understand that money is a tool we need to continuously provide food, shelter, clothing, the stability of having the health to continually make the income that we need to have the safety of a roof over our heads, we will stop chasing after money and define money as a form of success. This is a form of mindset change and is personal development.
Second, we need to understand that having real relationships and creating meaningful connections is good for mental, emotional and social health. There isn’t any point in pretending to be someone else and creating false impressions.
Third, when we have the love and support from the genuine friends, family and people that we have connections with, we gain confidence. Having confidence creates self-respect, and by having self-respect, we can show others respect too.
Finally, when all the above are present, we are able to determine our values. We know what matters to us. We are able to make differentiate good and bad, and above it, be able to make a choice between right and wrong. Our sense of morality is not hampered by fear of losing a basic necessity. We have a the ability to see beyond a problem and solve it. We are able to see beyond our own needs to help others. We are able to think creatively, outside the box, to look for solutions.
We would be doing justice to ourselves by carefully looking inwards and understanding our motivations at every stage of life. Someone may want to earn more money to buy a house because living on your own is being independent. Or the person wants to start a family. Or the family is growing. If you are living at home because your family home is large enough and your parents are getting older, you can buy a house for investment. In our culture, taking care of our parents is a moral responsibility, and not a burden. Having good values like supportive family relationships far outweigh having a big house for the gram.
You can buy a better and bigger car if you value comfort, reliability, safety or have a big family. If you buy a car to look cool and rich, there’s always someone out there who is cooler and richer than you. Cars are depreciating assets, so the bigger the loan and the longer the loan tenure, you keep paying the same amount over a longer period of time for something that is becoming cheaper.
When you have meaningful relationships, you don’t seek validation from the masses and strangers on the internet. You matter to those who matter. You will have lesser friends because it’s always quality over quantity. Life is not all about followers and subscribers.
When you are confident, you are able to sit by yourself and hear your own thoughts. You can analyse what needs to be done to improve yourself.
If you focus on improving your skills and increasing your experience, you become a better worker, manager and leader. When you seek to become a better contributor, it creates a sense of looking outwards, beyond just your personal needs, making you a useful part of your community and society. Being able to sacrifice your own desires for the betterment of others controls unnecessary desires. Being in control makes you realistic, so you can differentiate what’s genuine and what is not. You will be able to solve problems objectively.
The best of all, it will give you a sense of fulfillment. You will not feel empty. You will not feel stuck. You will be able to reach your highest potential.
So take your time and think carefully – where are you in life right now? What do you need right now? Are you motivated by needs or wants? Is this good for me? Is this right for me? Can I help others?
Personal development takes time, thought and effort and no one else can do it for you.
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